Wake window

wake window wake window

Lila was born

wake window wake window

I remember being physically

and emotionally torn

wake window wake window

It is 2am and she will not sleep

wake window wake window

There are so many expectations

as a mother

I am failing to meet

wake window wake window

How can I love my daughter yet

forever feel trapped

by mom guilt and rage?

wake window wake window

Have I created another

(yachting) golden cage?

wake window wake window

I am scared to close my eyes

wake window wake window

With every growth spurt

I regret me focussing

too much on my size

wake window wake window

I am exhausted full stop

wake window wake window

I am turning into a nasty

person I am not

wake window wake window

Why are my loved ones

failing to give me grace?

wake window wake window

I simply want to be with Lila

in my own space

wake window wake window

Getting so frustrated as

Lila just screams

wake window wake window

Keep going keep going…

another sleep deprived sign in

to microsoft teams

wake window wake window

I passed out from exhaustion today

wake window wake window

I wonder if my husband has noticed

my nerves frey

wake window wake window

Everyone worried about baby’s

pooping, temperature

and good feeds

wake window wake window

What about me,

don’t I also have needs?

wake window wake window

It is almost three

wake window wake window

I yet have had time for me

wake window wake window

all I do is pump

wake window wake window

all these hormones are making

my mood slump

wake window wake window

Lila just smiled at me

wake window wake window

I came to realise all can go to hell

all that matters is us three

wake window wake window

Do you need something too?

wake window wake window

As a mother someone always

wants something from you

wake window wake window

I now care less what people think

wake window wake window

I missed another something

because I blinked

wake window wake window

I have this year allowed people

to completely drain me

even more than before

wake window wake window

This made my heart so very sore

wake window wake window

I can now learn to say no

wake window wake window

Setting kind boundaries

where ever I go

wake window wake window

I had to say some painful goodbyes

wake window wake window

Losing family and friends

in front of my eyes

wake window wake window

Where did you go?

wake window wake window

I thought you would forever

be my reminder to be present

and go slow

wake window wake window

This year my life revolved around you

wake window wake window

Time with Lila went too soon

wake window wake window

This pace is impossible to keep

wake window wake window

I feel like there is nothing left of me

wake window wake window

Today a reminder grace comes

in unexpected ways

wake window wake window

The sisterhood is real,

keeping me going through my

tough days

wake window wake window

How remarkable are us women

when together we’re strong

wake window wake window

When we realise our differences

must be celebrated

and are not wrong

wake window wake window

Motherhood is such a glorious mess

wake window wake window

Thank you, Lila,

My teacher, Forever my princess

xoxo

LS

*While the term “wake window” is a modern term, it simply refers to the period of time a baby is awake between sleeps. A wake window spans from when your baby wakes up to the next time they fall asleep