The journey into motherhood is an incredible adventure, full of boundless love, tender moments, and newfound responsibilities.
However, amidst the joy and beauty, there can be moments of unexpected emotional turmoil that many new mothers experience: "mom rage."
**Understanding Mom Rage:**
Medical Definition: Mom rage, also known as maternal rage, refers to a sudden and intense eruption of anger, frustration, or irritability experienced by some mothers. This emotional outburst can be triggered by various stressors, both internal and external, and often leads to feelings of guilt and confusion. I, for one, first encountered this when our building's contractor simply and abruptly switched off our water, resulting in me screaming at him whilst kicking his door, that however, is a story for another day.
**Examples of Mom Rage:**
The face of mom rage can take on different forms, ranging from snapping at your partner during a sleepless night to raising your voice at your child in a moment of frustration. These episodes may leave you feeling overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and questioning your ability to manage the complex challenges of motherhood.
**Why Mom Rage Happens:**
1. **Hormonal Changes:** The HUGE hormonal shifts that occur postpartum can contribute to mood swings and emotional instability. The sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone levels can leave new moms feeling vulnerable to intense emotions.
2. **Sleep Deprivation:** The sleepless nights that often accompany caring for a newborn can exacerbate stress levels, making you more prone to emotional triggers and less capable of regulating your feelings.
3. **Overwhelm and Exhaustion:** The demands of round-the-clock baby care, household responsibilities, and attempts at self-care can culminate in an overwhelming sense of exhaustion, leading to bursts of anger or frustration.
4. **Unrealistic Expectations:** Social media, movies, and societal ideals often paint an idyllic picture of motherhood, setting unrealistic standards that can lead to disappointment and increased feelings of inadequacy.
5. **Lack of Support:** Feeling isolated, without a strong support system, or experiencing difficulty in articulating your needs can intensify feelings of frustration and anger.
**Navigating Mom Rage: Ten Tips for New Moms from my experience:**
1. **Acknowledge Your Emotions:** Recognise that feeling angry or frustrated doesn't define your worth as a mother. It's okay to experience these emotions.
As I repeatedly say: Feel your feels and then let them go.
Feeling your feelings and then letting them go is a powerful practice that allows you to acknowledge and process your emotions while preventing them from overwhelming you.
Embracing this concept involves giving yourself permission to experience your emotions fully, whether they're positive or negative, without judgment. It's essential to create a safe mental space where you can explore these feelings without getting stuck in them.
Once you've recognised and understood your emotions, the process of letting them go involves intentionally releasing their grip on your thoughts and actions.
A few effective techniques for this include:
deep breathing exercises,
mindfulness meditation,
and journaling.
Deep, conscious breaths (at a 1-4-2 ratio - more on this in the next blog) help create a sense of calm and distance from intense emotions, while mindfulness meditation encourages you to observe your feelings without attachment. Journaling, on the other hand, provides an outlet to express your emotions and gain insight into their roots. Remember, the goal is not to suppress or deny your feelings, but to acknowledge them, process them, and ultimately free yourself from their hold, allowing you to move forward with a sense of clarity and emotional well-being.
2. **Practice Mindfulness:** Engage in mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, to stay present and manage overwhelming emotions as they arise. I have found Yoga Nidra to be a great help.
3. **Prioritise Self-Care:** Set aside regular moments for self-care activities that help you recharge your energy and promote emotional well-being. Previously I found myself getting annoyed when people said that, thinking "where do you think I have time for this". Read again what I say above..."moments" not hours. I for instance love getting up 30minutes before Lila, I then (almost like a ritual) make my coffee and watch the news, alone. This sets me up for my day.
4. **Open Communication:** Create a safe space to talk openly with your partner about your feelings, challenges, and the support you require in your motherhood journey.
Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and harmonious relationship. Here are ten valuable tips to enhance communication with your partner:
**Active Listening:** DO NOT LISTEN TO ANSWER, LISTEN TO TRULY UNDERSTAND. Pay close attention to your partner's answers - words, tone, and body language. Show genuine interest by maintaining eye contact.
**Open and Honest:** Be transparent and truthful in your conversations. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly, fostering a sense of trust and vulnerability.
**Timing Matters:** Choose the right time and place for important discussions. Avoid tackling sensitive topics when either of you is tired, stressed, or distracted.
**Use "I" Statements:** Express your feelings and thoughts using "I" statements, which take ownership of your emotions and avoid blaming or accusing your partner.
**Avoid Criticism, Use Constructive Feedback:** Instead of criticising, offer constructive feedback. Focus on the behaviour or situation, not the person, and suggest solutions for improvement.
**Empathy and Validation:** Show empathy by understanding your partner's perspective and validating their feelings, even if you don't fully agree. This creates a supportive and validating environment.
**Non-Verbal Cues:** Pay attention to non-verbal cues like facial expressions and body language. These cues often provide insights into your partner's emotions, helping you respond more effectively.
**Practice Patience:** Take your time to process information and respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively. Patience fosters a more considerate and productive conversation.
**Conflict Resolution:** Approach conflicts as opportunities for growth. Focus on the issue at hand, not past mistakes, and work together to find a compromise that benefits both of you.
**Quality Time:** Dedicate quality time for meaningful conversations. Disconnect from distractions, such as screens, and engage in active discussions that strengthen your emotional connection.
Remember, effective communication requires practice and commitment from both partners. By actively applying these tips, you'll create a stronger foundation of understanding, empathy, and mutual respect in your relationship.
5. **Seek Social Connections:** Establish connections with fellow new moms who can relate to your experiences, offer empathy, and provide a supportive network.
6. **Set Realistic Expectations:** Embrace the fact that perfection doesn't exist in motherhood. Allow room for mistakes and acknowledge that every mother faces unique challenges.
7. **Healthy Outlets:** Engage in regular physical activity (I love my brisk morning walks with Lila), creative outlets, or journaling to channel and release pent-up emotions in a productive manner.
8. **Effective Time Management:**
Balancing the demands of motherhood with effective time management is a skill that can bring more order and harmony to your days.
Here are ten valuable tips to help you manage your time as a mom with a baby:
**Prioritise Tasks:** Identify the most important tasks for the day and focus on those. Understand that not everything can be done at once, and it's okay to let go of less essential tasks.
**Create a Routine:** Establish a daily routine that includes feeding, nap times, play, and self-care. Predictability can help both you and your baby adjust and make planning easier.
**Utilise Nap Time:** Maximise nap times by using them for tasks that require concentration or rest, such as catching up on sleep, showering, meal prep, or simply unwinding.
**Batch Tasks:** Group similar tasks together to increase efficiency. For instance, you could do a quick cleanup while your baby is playing or tackle phone calls during feeding times.
**Delegate (this was a tough one for me) and Accept Help:** Don't hesitate to ask for help from your partner.
**Embrace Flexibility:** Be prepared for changes in your schedule. Babies are unpredictable, so having a flexible mindset helps you adapt and maintain a positive attitude.
**Use Technology Wisely:** Utilise tools like smartphone apps or reminders to keep track of appointments, to-do lists, and important dates. Technology can be a helpful organisational ally.
**Simplify Meals:** Opt for quick and nutritious meal options, such as one-pot dishes or freezer-friendly meals. Meal planning and batch cooking can save you time in the kitchen.
**Celebrate Small Wins:** Recognise and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how "small" they may seem. Each completed task is a step toward maintaining balance and achieving your goals. I do a daily Puja. I give thanks for at least three things and one person.
Remember, the key to successful time management as a mom with a baby is finding what works best for you and your family.
9. **Ask for Help:** Don't hesitate to reach out to family or friends when you need a break or extra support. Accepting assistance is not a sign of weakness, but a reflection of strength.
10. **Professional Guidance:** If mom rage persists or intensifies, consider seeking help from a therapist specialising in postpartum emotions. Professional guidance can provide you with invaluable tools to manage your feelings effectively.
The journey through motherhood is a multifaceted one, filled with incredible highs and occasional emotional storms. Remember, seeking support, practicing self-care, and embracing the imperfections of your journey are essential ingredients in nurturing a healthier emotional landscape. In doing so, you'll not only create a nurturing environment for yourself but also build lasting memories with your precious little one as you navigate the uncharted waters of motherhood.
You can do this mama!
xoxo
LS
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