Becoming a mother is beautiful, "Mommy-Issues" less so.
As a "new mom", I've embarked on a journey that has not only brought me immeasurable joy but also compelled me to confront and heal generational trauma, childhood trauma, and "mommy-issues."
I want to share my personal experiences and explore the significance of addressing these issues in the context of parenting. I'll also discuss the role of therapy and yoga in this healing process, offering practical examples of how they've made a profound impact on my journey.
Understanding Generational Trauma
Generational trauma refers to the emotional wounds and unresolved issues passed down through family lines, affecting subsequent generations. It's like an invisible chain that binds us to the pain and suffering experienced by our ancestors. As a new mom, I felt the weight of this chain, the stories of my family's past, and the unspoken pain that has been carried through generations.
Day-to-Day Manifestations:
1. Inherited Patterns: One of the ways generational trauma manifested in my day-to-day parenting was through inherited patterns of behaviour. My family had a history of avoiding emotional expression, and I found myself doing the same with my child. At times I struggled with emotional connection.
Practical Example: Therapy
In therapy, I learned to identify these patterns and gain insight into my family's history. Talking with a skilled therapist helped me understand how generational trauma influenced my thoughts, behaviours, and parenting style. By recognising these patterns, I was able to break the cycle (or at least take steps to) and choose a healthier path for my child.
Childhood Trauma and Its Lingering Effects
A defining note:
Trauma and stress, when used in the context of therapy, are psychological terms that refer to experiences and responses that can have a significant impact on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. Here are definitions for both terms as they pertain to therapy:
1. **Trauma:**
Trauma in therapy typically refers to a distressing or disturbing event or series of events that can have long-lasting psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical effects on an individual. Trauma can result from a variety of experiences, such as physical or sexual abuse, accidents, natural disasters, violence, loss of a loved one, or even emotional neglect. Trauma is often associated with symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, depression, and difficulties in coping with daily life. In therapy, addressing trauma involves helping individuals process and heal from these experiences, so they can regain a sense of safety, well-being, and functionality.
2. **Stress:**
Stress in therapy refers to the body and mind's natural response to challenging or overwhelming situations. Stress can be triggered by various life events, such as work pressures, relationship issues, financial difficulties, or major life changes. While stress is a common and normal response to these situations, it can become problematic when it becomes chronic and overwhelming, leading to physical and mental health issues. In therapy, the goal is to help individuals develop coping strategies, reduce the impact of stressors, and manage their reactions to stress in healthier ways.
Both trauma and stress are important aspects of therapy, as they can significantly influence an individual's emotional well-being and overall mental health. Therapy provides a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore and address the effects of trauma and stress, ultimately promoting healing, personal growth, and improved emotional resilience.
Childhood trauma, whether stemming from neglect, abuse, or any adverse experience, can have lasting effects on a person's emotional and mental well-being. As a mom, I realised that my own unresolved childhood trauma could potentially affect my parenting. It was crucial for me to address these issues head-on.
Day-to-Day Manifestations:
1. Triggered Responses: My unresolved childhood trauma often triggered emotional responses that were disproportionate to the situation at hand. For example, when my child displayed frustration, I would react with anger instead of understanding, echoing my own experiences as a child.
Practical Example: Yoga
Yoga became my sanctuary. It provided a space for me to connect with my body and emotions, enabling me to release stored trauma and tension. Through practices like yoga nidra (guided meditation), I could pinpoint and work through the pain of my past. This process allowed me to cultivate self-compassion and create a safe emotional space for my child.
"Mommy-Issues" and Their Impact
We've all heard of the term "mommy-issues," which often refers to unresolved conflicts or strained relationships with our own mothers. These issues can influence our parenting style, as we either emulate or strive to be the opposite of our own moms. As a new mom, I found myself grappling with these issues, and I realised that addressing them was crucial for my child's well-being.
Day-to-Day Manifestations:
1. Overcompensation: I noticed that I sometimes overcompensated for the lack of nurturing I received as a child. I would go to great lengths to ensure my child felt loved and cared for, but this often led to burnout and stress.
Practical Example: Therapy
Therapy, again, played a significant role in my healing journey. By delving into my "mommy-issues" and understanding their origins, I could separate my identity as a mother from the complex relationship I had with my own. It's essential to realise that I am not my mother, and I have the power to shape my parenting journey in a way that feels authentic and nurturing to my child.
The Importance of Self-Care
While addressing generational trauma, childhood trauma, and "mommy-issues" is vital, it's equally important to prioritise self-care. As a new mom, I found that yoga was a perfect complement to therapy, allowing me to nurture my emotional well-being and stay connected with my body.
Day-to-Day Manifestations:
1. Burnout and Stress: Juggling motherhood, writing, teaching and personal life often led to burnout and high levels of stress. This impacted my ability to be present and patient with my child and myself.
Practical Example: Yoga
Yoga isn't just about physical postures; it's a holistic practice that fosters self-acceptance and self-compassion. By practicing mindfulness and breathing exercises, I learned to stay present in the moment and reduce stress. This helped me become a more grounded and resilient parent, even in challenging situations.
Becoming a mother is a journey that has led me to confront generational trauma, childhood trauma, and "mommy-issues" I carried with me. It is forever a learning experience.
Through therapy and yoga, I've found effective ways to heal and grow, allowing me to be the best parent I can be for my child. The importance of addressing these issues in the parenting journey cannot be overstated. It's not just about nurturing our children but also nurturing ourselves. By healing our own wounds, we pave the way for a healthier, happier future for our families. This journey is a challenging one, but by acknowledging and healing these traumas, we can break the cycle and create a more loving and nurturing environment for our children.
xoxo
LS
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